Mitanjeli Tischler Kansas, USA
The Separation
Everything is arranged. The lights are on, and the groceries sit on the counter. The coffee pot is clean, the tea boxes stacked on the shelf. Yellow peppers and green bananas remain in their plastic bags on the floor. The man and the woman argue at the front door, and the old lady who never wears shoes glares at their noise from the end of the hallway. The tones become harsher and the words more honest. The woman begins to cry, and she feels the doorknob now slippery in her hand. The man leaves. The woman stands on the welcome mat. The open door bounces off her arm and back with each sob. The woman goes to the living room. The peppers stay on the floor as she calls her sister on the phone, as the man yells into his steering wheel in the parking garage.
The Woman’s To-Do List
Bank, pick up photos, oil change (use coupon on fridge), farmers market, send contract to client and arrange next meeting, bake brownies for Bible study, read for class and write analysis, finish thank-you letters.
The Woman’s Sermon Notes
Things are to be used. People are to be loved. The reversal of this is always immoral.
Our lives are often laboriously intertwined with another we have neither chosen nor fully accepted. New beginnings are needed. New beginnings are possible.
The Woman’s Favorite Memory
The perfect air in the backyard – the dark sky and the small patio lights – he switched the song to one they both loved – this was the first time they listened to it together – the air was perfect in the backyard – the swimming pool sat still (so did the trees) – he
held his hand out and asked if she would dance – she grinned and could not stop – they were the only two in the backyard – that square of cement was clean and warm – the air was perfect – the only sound was the song – she waited as long as possible to pull him closer and close her eyes – as long as she could stand it – and the air was perfect in the backyard – still and warm – they were the only people there – nothing else moved – nothing else made a sound – the song was perfect in the backyard. Three years later they danced to it again – the woman wore a white dress and her father sat still across the room.
The Woman’s Journal
Even if he solves the problems and heals the wounds and answers my questions (even if Dad decides to have a conversation with him), I will still question everything, and then answer myself until I decide to stay. Even if we do get the apartment – even if he steps up to all of this – I’m sure I’ll find an excuse to be rid of his unconditional love.
The Letter in the Man’s Pocket
I am waiting for you to get home, and I’m thinking about the past few weeks. They’ve been fantastic and have reminded me just why I’m so in love with you. I told you not to open this until some day when I’m gone for the night and you miss me, but you’re probably in the next room reading it quickly. Maybe not. Maybe you’re sitting on the bed and wishing I was next to you. Either way, I want you to know that I love you, and I wouldn’t trade our hectic, stressful, wonderful relationship for anything in the whole world. As we enter this next phase, I am both excited and nervous for what it holds. I’ve come to accept that I’ll never be a different man, but I can always strive to be a better one.You are the love of my life. I’m ready to fight for you once again, and I’m in this for the long haul.
P.S. Thank you for everything.